About two months ago, I wrote about healing the familial pattern of giving to get. Now, I want to share how I am healing this pattern…By expanding Love through giving.
I have always loved giving to others – whether it be my time, attention or physical gifts. I thought I loved giving because it made others feel good & showed them I loved them. But over the past year, I discovered my subconscious pattern of “giving to get.”
For example, I would make a call to someone or try to plan a meet-up with someone with the purpose of getting something back from them. Their time, attention, or love. Or maybe I wanted to get them to help me with a project that I felt I couldn’t do on my own. Or sometimes I would give physical gifts in order to gain someone’s love or approval.
So giving was ultimately about attachment & control versus expanding Love.
I recognized my pattern of giving to get several months ago when I gave, gave, gave to someone & then eventually asked for something. When the person said no, I got angry & upset with myself for giving so much. I regretted giving, resented them & shut them out of my life.
But, none of this felt good, especially shutting them out of my life. So I set an intention to heal whatever hurt in me I needed to heal in order to stop re-creating this situation. And I made deliberate moves to shift it.
For example, about two months ago I spent several hours preparing a birthday gift for someone I love. I baked one of their favorite foods, baked them brownies for dessert & bought them small thoughtful gifts. I knew energetically they were not in a position to be able to give anything back to me. Not their time, attention nor physical presence.
So I dropped the gift off on their doorstep & declared to God that I let go of all expectations & attachments to any outcomes. I knew if I was giving to get, God would reveal it to me later.
Fast forward about a month…God showed me clear signs this person was no longer a willing participant.
In the past, I would have been pissed at myself for spending so much time & energy on their birthday gift. In my head I would have been saying, “I did all of this for you & you can’t even listen to me ask a question?”
But this time – glory be to God – I didn’t regret giving the gift or feel angry or resentful. Instead, I felt joyful that I was able to give because I love. Because I am filled up from God & need nothing from anyone. I learned to give as a way of expanding Love.
Another example, is that I have struggled with consistently being a good friend without expectations. I make “ friends” easily but have a hard time keeping them. Because I always have this unhealthy pattern of “giving to get” operating…until now.
So I set an intention a few months ago to consistently share my gifts with at least one person for 6 months with zero expectations.
So I call them on a regular basis but do not expect them to initiate any calls to me. Secondly, I ask them to meet-up but do not expect them to say yes or to initiate planning meet-ups with me. I give them my time & attention & physical gifts. I do not except anything back…well except respect. My only intention is that I remain consistent with them for 6 months as long as they remain willing to participate.
And since I set this intention, I have been consistent with this person for over 3 months. That is the longest I have gone giving to a good friend without expectations…ever!
And you know what?
I feel good about it! God has abundantly blessed me & now I am blessing others…by expanding Love.
What has arisen from that one person is another relationship that is progressing in the same way. So far, I have made it one month in giving without expectation in this second friendship. I had a third relationship I was attempting to apply these same practices to but God showed me clear signs that they were unable to continue participating. I had to let them go. God will always show you which relationships are serving you to heal & progress & which ones are keeping you stuck…if you are willing to see.
So what is my point?
My point is if you are someone who gives a lot & finds themselves never getting back in return…try giving without any expectations. You are abundantly blessed by God & The Universe with all the love & support you need. You do not need anything from anyone. Share your gifts with others as a means of expanding Love. And you will heal & find your heart filled with more of God’s abundant love for yourself & others.