Healing & Letting Go Through Loss

The last year has taught me so much. One of things I have learned the most about is healing & letting go through loss.

Loss is something we experience each day as the sun rises & sets. There is no escaping it…despite how hard we might try.

 

Healing & Letting Go Through Loss

 

I have been in touch with several people recently who are experiencing a big loss in their lives – a parent, finances, a job, a child, a partner. I am positive I am attracting this because of the losses I have myself experienced in my life & especially this last year.

Fortunately, I am on the other side of healing & letting go for now & can offer support based upon my personal experiences.

So how can we heal & let go through loss?

First of all, loss is a process. Well – if you think about it – everything in life is a process. We must first allow & accept that it is a process.

Then, we must learn to give ourselves adequate time, patience & love while the process runs its course.

Rushing the process will not give us the space we need to heal & learn what we need to learn.

Healing by Feeling

Just like a new job teaches us new skills, losses teach us how to feel more – if we will allow them. It is through feeling more that we heal.

Let me offer some clarity here…many of us growing up were taught not to have feelings. When we tried to express feeling hurt or upset, our parents told us not to cry. When we tried to express our anger, our parents told us to not get mad. Teaching us it’s best to stuff everything deep inside & not talk about it.

Some of us had emotionally unavailable parents. They were too busy trying to manage their own lives to hold space for us to feel & express ourselves. Thus, we learned that in order to survive – it was best to repress in order not to upset them.

In this case, we may have even learned that our existence was merely to make sure our parents were okay & taken care of. Again, leaving no one – not even ourselves – to nurture & care for us.

I am by no means blaming our parents for anything we are currently creating in our lives now. I am simply sharing insight into how we may become emotionally unavailable, repressed & unable to process our feelings.

Believe it or not, loss can actually help us heal much of this if we get more connected to our true feelings underneath the masks we wear most of the time.

Becoming an Objective Observer

Learning how to feel more versus defining ourselves as our feelings are two very different things. Emotions are feelings – challenging & painful feelings yes – but they are not who we are.

When we allow ourselves to experience our emotions fully, we can learn to see them as a part of us to be nurtured…not as us. This is called being an objective observer. This is just another way to heal & eventually let go.

So let it all out! It is not you…it is just how you are feeling right now. So go ahead – cry, scream, share with a friend, whatever you need to do to express it in a healthy way.

 

Healing & Letting Go

 

Letting Go Of Attachments

Once we have learned to feel what we are feeling, express it in a healthy way & that we are not it…we can finally let it all go. This is the only way to get through the healing process. There are no short cuts.

The more we experience loss in our lives, the better we become at going through the process. And after going through it over & over again…we can learn not to become as attached to people, places & things.

This doesn’t mean we don’t love anymore. On the contrary, we love even more because our hearts have been broken open letting all the emotions go & leaving only love. Thus, we can fully express ourselves in the world as the love we are in every moment. And when the time has come to let go, we do just that.

I am not saying this is easy…it is challenging but the more we go through it, the stronger we can get & the better we can become at managing anything life hands us.

So just a quick recap when experiencing a loss – first accept that it is a process that will take time.  Then, allow yourself to experience & express all the emotions that come up for you through the process keeping in mind they are not you. They are just feelings. Finally, when it is time, let it all go! Much love on your continued healing journey through life.

Questions about this article? Please feel free to reach out or share in the comments.

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2 Comments

Edward

Marrissa thank you for that, right now I have been healing slowly and with my counselor. I was sexully abused/raped when I was little. I am now 46 trying to deal with all the emotions the hurt the pain the hatred. That now has come up but has been healed. I have fear of many things that make me gasp for air. I am learning to cope and heal. This made me think of my losses. It is a process, thank you for the article. How do I motivate myself to go through the fear to what lays on the other side of this emotion?

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marissafmyers

I am sorry you had to experience that. It is not uncommon these days.

Are you working with your counselor to find the answer to the question you asked? Is what you are doing working?

If you have been doing the same thing for a while & it is not working to heal then I would recommend you change something. I am happy to share my teachers info with you if you think it would help. Let me know.

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